I always find it strange that some people get uncomfortable around other people's feelings. Like it makes their skin crawl or something. Let me put the record straight: it's okay to have feelings! Feelings are what make us human.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were super happy about something and someone told you to: "Calm down"?
Have you ever been in a situation where you were excited about something and someone told you to: "Bring it down a notch"?
Have you ever been in a situation where you were upset about something and someone told you to: "Pull yourself together"?
Or have you ever been in a situation where you were stressed about something and someone told you to: "Just get over yourself"?
How annoying, right?
These kinds of remarks want to put you in a place of shame. For feeling your feelings.
The thing is, feelings are part of our everyday life as human beings.
Feelings are felt spontaneously in real time
Why shouldn't we freely express how we are feeling in the moment when we are happy, excited, upset, stressed or any other kind of feeling?
When you think about it, you are sharing a piece of your heart with the person you are talking with. You are opening yourself up and being vulnerable.
So being shut down by that person can feel crushing and confusing. Especially when they are a close friend, family member or your partner.
If you've ever toned down your feelings to not make someone uncomfortable, I'd like you to check in with how that made you feel...
How would you have liked things to go instead?
How would it have been different?
How would it have felt?
Sometimes a listening ear is all we need
If you feel inspired to do so, I encourage you to explain to your close friend, family member or partner:
How their comments are making you feel
How you would love for them to support you in your feelings
How you would like to be there for them too
Loved ones don't always know how to be there for us, so a bit of guidance from you can go a long way.
It can make all the difference so you can feel free to be yourself with them, with all the ups and downs.
We are human beings, with feelings ebbing and flowing all day every day
Our loved ones holding space for us and us holding space for them is a beautiful heart-felt connection in the making.
But of course I know it doesn't always work that way. If only it were that simple.
Some people can't or won't be there for us in that open-hearted capacity. Sometimes, there's not even a reason for it. Or they are subconsciously doing what they've always done.
In such cases, there's either acceptance or boundaries that can come into play. And looking for people you can share a piece of your heart with.