Just get over it. I'm sorry, what?

What??? Excuse me? If someone says this to me, like ever, they will seriously regret it. There is no "just" getting over it, there is only learning to live and grow with it.

My biggest resistance was learning to accept the way things are and living with it. Not moving on, but finding a place where things could just be.

So what did that look like for me?

It meant that I did a lot of going inwards, feeling what I needed to feel, exploring different practices, doing the practices that resonated with me, looking after myself, looking after my husband and our relationship, making plans that weren't to do with medical protocols, slowing down, being creative, having fun again.

That doesn't mean that I've given up, that having a family no longer matters to me. Not at all. It means that I have surrendered my pushing, I have let go of the endless thoughts running circles in my head. And in turn I have found a kind of peace.

So how does that work exactly?

My intentions are still there and I am still taking the action steps when I need to, but it is not my sole focus, it is not my everything. So I guess somehow along the way, my attachment to the outcome has loosened.

It is still painful to think that we might not have a family, but it's not an impossibility for my heart. It's starting to be something that I could live with. Even if I'd rather not.

"You seem to be in a much better place," someone said to me a while back.

Is it a better place? Or is it just a different place, with a different perspective?

Whatever it is, getting there took work, energy and a lot of sitting with my emotions. It's not a constant, I can slip out of it now and then, but I know I can always come back to it - and there is compassion there.

I can't control what will happen. But I can decide how I live through all this. Even if I'm still learning every step of the way.


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© 2019 - 2020 Leaning into feeling

I am not a doctor or a psychologist. The support and guidance I give in coaching sessions and in any coaching materials is not intended to replace a medical professional's medical care and treatment. My work with you cannot and will not diagnose or treat any medical problem. For any healthcare decisions, advice from a medical specialist should be sought out.