Thursday, May 7, 2020. 4 days before the end of lockdown in France. Living with so many uncertainties. Not knowing how all this is going to work out. If it's all going to work out.
It took me time to get to a point of acceptance of where my husband and I are in our lives. It took effort, tears, energy, patience and self-compassion.
Then these times hit. And it took acceptance to a whole new level. Acceptance (or not) that we have control over nothing in this. That the only thing we can control is how we are feeling and what our emotions are doing or not doing.
We have gone through all kinds of emotions: shock, anger, frustration, annoyance, irritation, sadness, doubt, fear, you name it.
Trying to find more positive feelings like hope hasn't exactly been easy. Finding moments of joy and peace when our neighbours aren't jackhammering 7 hours a day has been a challenge, I'm not going to lie.
So what's next?
How to deal with so many unknowns?
Continuing with all the unknowns, at least for the time being, seems to be what awaits us. But how?
I wish I knew
Being okay with any emotions around all the unknowns is a good place to start.
It's okay to feel however we are feeling. It's okay to be sitting around in our pjs until 4 in the afternoon. It's okay to want to turn the news off. It's okay to not be okay.
It's okay to be still just as it's okay to journal, bake a cake, call a friend or anything else. Whatever helps you feel some kind of relief, even just for a moment.
That's where we are right now.
I hope wherever you are, that you are safe. And that a new kind of "normal" is not too far away for all of us.